Once again I’m turning the keyboard over to my husband, Dennis. I’ve told you about the day I went into labor, our extended stay at the hospital and my over all perspective on welcoming little Charlotte into this world. But there’s another side you don’t hear of much…the Dad’s. So without further adieu….
Amanda has asked me to do another entry in her blog. This time she asked me to talk a little about my view of our wonderful daughter being born.
Well, what a surprise she was! We were definitely not ready for her. As Amanda told everyone after she was born, we packed, we stopped at the grocery store, even walked the dog before we left. I had nothing packed, I still had 3 weeks!
As we drove in, I was actually hoping it wasn’t happening yet. Not for the silly reasons of not being prepared. Big picture was we were okay and we had a great family support system to back us up. It was 3 weeks early and it had been a long road for Amanda and myself. I was just done with the road blocks to having and starting a family.
We get to the hospital and they confirm that it’s time. Quickly accepting that it was happening, I was very excited and nervous. Excited to meet my daughter. Nervous because it was out of my hands for the next several hours. All I could do was hope that Amanda (and Charlotte) were going to be okay. One thing that surprised me was how quickly it went for me. That was my one question for family and friends I would ask the men: “Did you get bored?” Don’t get me wrong, I was all in and focused on whatever Amanda would need. I couldn’t comprehend doing 1 thing (or for my part it felt like doing nothing) for a long period of time. But if you’re honest with yourself, how often do you do 12-15 (or for some parents even longer) hours of anything in a row? Even binge watching something on Netflix, you take a bathroom break, you may have a dog to walk, or even just getting more snacks. You drive across country you have rest stops or random shopping diversions. But this? This was continuous.
The time flew by unbelievably fast. My wife was incredible through it all. Just unreal. It was incredible to watch her go through it. Looking back, I was surprised how much of a blur it was for me. I really only remember a few moments during the actual labor (well, the “time to push” part), I understand that she was in labor for several hours. (Blogger’s edit: More like MANY hours -Amanda)
At one point Charlotte’s heart rate dropped and they needed to put a probe on her for a better reading. Amanda is not a fan of needles. I saw the probe they were going to use. I knew she couldn’t see that. So I held her and just kept repeating, “Angel, you have to keep your eyes closed.” That part went smoothly. Not sure how helpful I was.
The second thing I remember was as the birth was actually happening, there was all of a sudden A LOT more people than Amanda would’ve wanted in the room. I asked, “Uh… who are they?” It was the NICU team because Charlotte was premature (by one day). Heh, leave it to our daughter to finish the way the whole pregnancy had gone: On the cusp, borderline, could be either way…
Charlotte came out pretty quick once it all started. One of the few things that happened just like on TV, she started crying right away. The NICU team was like “yea she’s fine” left almost as quickly as they arrived. It was almost funny, watching them put on gloves just to take them off again.
I remember this immense love I felt for Amanda as Charlotte laid on her chest for the first time. I was honestly, not expecting it. Who knew I could…that I had more to feel. And man oh man, the instant adoration I had for Charlotte!!
Seeing Charlotte for the first time is also an interesting memory looking back. I don’t think I actually “saw” her for the first 10 or 15 minutes. Most of you have seen the Matrix or Terminator (stay with me! lol). It’s the only thing I think to compare it to. I didn’t see my daughter at first. I “saw” code or green screen. Counting fingers, toes, eyes, nose, things appear to be in the right place. Yep it computes! That’s my baby girl!!
After a couple of hours we went to the recovery room. That’s the part I was ready for. I had gifts for both my girls. I had people lined up to bring Amanda food she hadn’t been allowed to have in nearly a year. I even got to actively participate in helping Charlotte (I didn’t think I’d be so excited for a diaper change). But more importantly she was running a little cold her first couple of days and the only thing the seemed to work was wrapping up with me. Even the warming lamps they have would warm her up, but she wouldn’t really maintain temperature.
Those days in recovery went long as Charlotte had a little bit of jaundice, which we were told was normal in preemies and not to worry too much. I really didn’t sleep that week. It was more passing out. I was afraid to fall asleep and miss something or have Charlotte need something and I wouldn’t wake up. 5 long days (saved by family visiting to break up the time) and a 90 minute car seat stress test (among other things) finally got the word we could go home. I have never packed so fast! We didn’t want them to change their mind.
I was so happy to get to take Amanda and Charlotte home and start our new life. It was a weird feeling as we left the hospital, I actually felt sad… (still trying to figure that out). Driving home was a whole new experience for me, having a fragile passenger. I was barely going the speed limit (a new experience for my wife!) and more aware of things. You know how many people out there are doing more than just driving in their cars?!?!?!? STOP IT!!
It’s been six perfect weeks since we’ve brought her home. It feels like she’s always been there, she fits right in. Life before her feels like it’s just been a bunch of pictures. Not even sure if I was there. It’s been fast, but it feels like longer. It hasn’t been the long but it feels like forever. My new life with Charlotte Grace is going to be exciting and incredible and I can’t wait for what comes. But! Not too quick…she still likes me