And now…for something completely different! I’ve asked my husband (Dennis) to put into writing a ‘Dad’s perspective’ on this pregnancy journey…
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Amanda has asked me to guest author a day of her blog, hoping to briefly touch on the husband’s point of view. Please forgive me if anything is a “rerun” as I tell you my experiences.
On Valentine’s Day this year, Amanda gave me one of the greatest gifts a dad-to-be can get. A big gift bag with a series of gifts until I got the hint that she was pregnant. I’ll admit, it took me awhile 🙂 I was very excited, overjoyed. However, a small part of me was terrified. This was our Rainbow baby. For those who don’t know, a rainbow baby is the child you are lucky enough to receive after a miscarriage.
We just couldn’t go thru that again. Time moved indescribably slow as we waited for the… ‘checkpoint’ that Amanda had made it to with the previous pregnancy. Amanda’s OB/GYN is maybe 10 minutes from my office. The absolute longest car ride of my life getting to the office on the day of the appointment. At the office, I was trying to not think bad thoughts, keep that mojo out of the room (side note is the week before Amanda had a quick solo visit and they didn’t see a heartbeat-not our regular doctor).
Finally, we got to the sonogram part of the visit…..more waiting…… searching…. finally! Probably the greatest sound on earth, our daughter’s heartbeat. I had a huge sigh and felt like I shrank 6 inches. just all that stress was gone in one little *thump, thump!* It was such a relief. Driving back to work I realized how hungry I was, how little I ate in the previous days. I stopped at the nearest fast food joint and ate A LOT, it felt good. I didn’t even realize how much anxiety I was holding in.
Now let me “yada yada” (Thank you Seinfeld!) over some parts to get to the reason I get to write today.
Amanda didn’t have weird cravings but her eating habits did change for 1st trimester. Amanda’s emotions are definitely worn on her sleeve, but rightfully so. The 20 week sonogram was incredible getting to watch toes being counted, fingers counted, heart beating well. Our daughter, does not like the camera! She kept hiding her face whenever it came by. I feel like that will change even just a little bit of her mom’s personality. Then the realization again of how lucky we are Amanda’s doctor was quite late because the news for a couple before us was…let’s say not as easy to give as our news. I definitely felt for them after we had left (you can’t unfeel, you can’t unsee an experience like that), but in the moment again.. keep that mojo out of the room.
Now to the reason I’m here. Amanda and I have had this…. we’ll call it a “discussion”. a few times. It’s not my turn yet. Amanda is pregnant, I am not. I don’t feel…. connected. We plan on having a “Jack & Jill” baby shower. Man, did I fight it at first. The gifts won’t be for me. They’ll be for my child or my wife. Amanda was hurt that I didn’t want to be there for the baby’s gifts. To be blunt that baby wipe warmer will be just as cute at home on my counter after a day of golf as it would be sitting at this baby shower. It’s her day.
This isn’t me being a 3 year old needing a gift when it’s not my birthday to stay calm. She absolutely deserves a day like that. Amanda (and her mom) have done a really good job making the party plan fun for everyone. It took me awhile to understand that because its her day she would really like me there.
But it’s because I haven’t done anything. My body hasn’t changed, my emotions haven’t fluctuated, oh yea.. and there that little fact that I am not being woken nightly by a tiny human growing inside me decides that 2:30 a.m. is a good time to use my bladder and kidneys for UFC training.
You also may have noticed I said “Amanda’s OB/GYN”, “Amanda is pregnant”. Because that it how I (and my close dad/dad-to-be friends) feel. It is HER pregnancy. She is doing the work. The only hard thing I have is to guess what she’ll want for dinner and have it on hand.
The Mars and Venus moment we keep having is: She says “it’s our baby” to which my response is “it’s your pregnancy”. Despite that snapshot, I (and most dads-to-be) are all in. We just don’t know how. I’ve been to every doctor visit, I encourage being woken up during midnight “UFC training”, I sit for long lengths of time with holding Amanda’s belly waiting for kicks and punches until we have do to house chores. I have even picked out more clothes and shoes than Amanda, which if you all know her, that is quite an accomplishment!
I’m very excited for my baby girl. But not knowing what to do and trying to help out and do an equal share of the first nine months is tiring.
But who are we to complain about something so lame when you are carrying our child. I promise Readers, the good ones are there ..but we may not understand.
I’m here for you, Angel, but I know I don’t understand.